Jacque Stevens

So I made my plan. I didn’t like the east coast where my sister and brother in-law were stationed. I wanted to move back west, and I wanted to be near the majority of my family again. But moving in with other families hadn’t worked for me as I constantly felt like an outsider bending to their plans and schedules—retreating into myself. I needed people in my same stage of life so I could feel more independent with my decisions, which is why I am so very lucky my parents gave m

I didn’t tell anyone about these thoughts. In fact, this may be the first time some of my family will have heard about them. But what I did do was started praying, really praying. I told my Heavenly Father that if He could just tell me what I should do, I would do it. I wouldn’t be passive aggressive anymore. If He would tell me how I should be running my life from this point onward, and assure me that it wouldn’t fail, then I would jump in full-force into whatever it was. Bu

This depression didn’t last for just a few weeks or months. This lasted three years. When I couldn’t find a job living with my parents, one of my married siblings reached out. She was having some medical struggles and with her husband in the military, she wanted my help nannying her toddler and new baby. This was both good and bad. It was good because I love my sister and WAS able to help her. It was bad because I was back to avoiding the real question of figuring out my life

I have always been a fairly obedient girl, one who lived in constant fear of “getting in trouble” or ticking someone off. I am the sixth of eight children, and had so many examples to follow and learn from, I rarely had to be directly disciplined at all. I liked being in the background. I never wanted to stand out for making the wrong or embarrassing choice, so I often opted for the path of least resistance. So when it came to going to college, I knew the “right,” “smart” way